Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
