I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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