i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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