Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Farmville is her only friend.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
