Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
