If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
