Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
