Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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