woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
