I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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