he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
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She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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