Do you still have your period?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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