There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
