My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
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We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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