is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
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some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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