video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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