he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
