I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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