My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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