I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
