its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
