Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
