i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
