Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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