So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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