My liver just broke up with me...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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