He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
