i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
