I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
