I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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