K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
