I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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