Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
