I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize