I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
