Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
