They should really pass out barf bags in church
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
