i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Boobs speak an international language.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
