My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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