This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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