i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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