That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
