OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
