this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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