New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
