Yo dont text me then not text me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
