real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
