I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
