Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
