i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
