i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
