Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
