You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
