Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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