I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
