She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
