if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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