bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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