and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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