did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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