I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
