i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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