I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
foreskin is a definite game changer
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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