Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
