Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
