Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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