just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
