One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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