hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
