Already got asked if we're dating
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
