i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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