I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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