Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
