This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
