Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize