angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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