glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
