I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
