this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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