You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
