HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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